


Lost

by Quietshade



Series: Lucasverse [1]
Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 12:15:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17446802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quietshade/pseuds/Quietshade
Summary: Matt is missing when Karen wakes up.





	Lost

**Author's Note:**

> A shout to the amazing Irelandhoneybee for keeping me going through this! 
> 
> This would've definitely died in my drive without you.
> 
> Lucas is 6 months old in this one, meaning it happens before Gifted.
> 
> This is my entry for the Daredevil bingo prompt: Fell off the face of the Earth.

Karen sighed tiredly when a small cry interrupted her sleep. She yawned against one hand and threw the other to her side to wake her husband. “It's your turn, Matt…” she blinked confused when her hand hit his empty pillow.

The other side of the bed was empty, and judging by its coldness, Matt hadn't slept in it at all that night. Karen's heart skipped a beat at the realization. She'd gone to bed before he’d come back from his patrol, and him not being in bed could only mean bad news.

Lucas cried harder through the baby monitor.

“Shit.” She jumped from her bed and made a run for Lucas’ room. He was sitting on the crib with a red face full of tears and snot. He looked like he'd been crying for a while and he probably had. Karen wasn't used to waking up to his cries. Matt always woke her up before Lucas had the chance to.

“I'm so sorry, Love. Mommy’s here now.” She picked him up, and grabbed a baby wipe from the nightstand to clean his face on her way to the living room.

The only sounds in the apartment were her steps and Lucas’ sniffles. There was no sight of Matt, not even his suit, which he usually disposed of in the living room when he was hurt. She searched for him anyway. A sinking feeling started to settle on the pit of her stomach when she couldn't find him.

Karen swallowed, trying to stop her imagination from going wild.

Maybe he'd stayed somewhere closer than home, perhaps at Foggy's or Luke's. It had happened before. But a small voice reminded her that Matt would’ve called if that was the case.

Lucas let out a desperate sob and burrowed his face on her neck.

“Shh.” She rubbed his back softly, mentally berating herself for forgetting about him. Her poor boy was probably starving. She needed to take care of him before worrying about Matt. It was bad enough she'd left him crying for God knew how long.

Karen tried putting the baby in his bouncing chair, but he started tossing and crying the moment his back touched the fabric. He was obviously not in the mood to cooperate. She sighed and did her best to prepare a bottle with the wailing baby in tow, trying not to think about how easy things would be with Matt there.

Lucas calmed down the moment the bottle touched his lips. His small hands held it in place as he gulped it down hungrily. Karen placed a kiss on his brow and wiped the tears on the corner of his eyes. “All good now, sweety.”

Karen took advantage of Lucas’ momentarily distraction and went back to her room to retrieve her phone, hoping Matt had left her a message.

Instead of a message she found a notification that made her heart skip a beat.

10 dead in hell's kitchen fire.

Karen opened the article and skimmed through it in search of her husband name. She stopped scrolling when she reached the part that talked about Daredevil saving some of the tenants. There was no mention about him being arrested, nothing about Matt Murdock either. At the very least he had made it out of the building alive, but something must have stopped him from getting home.

Karen dialed Foggy's number with desperate clumsy fingers, and waited impatiently for him to answer.

“Karen?” he answered in a sleep laced voice. She felt just a little bad for waking him up so early.

“Foggy, is Matt with you?”

“Um, no. Isn't he home?” he asked a little more awake. Karen closed her eyes in anguish. It was alright there were other places he could be. “Is something wrong? Karen?”

“No, he isn't home.” she answered finally, and quickly added, “Sorry, Foggy. I'll call you later.

“No, wait Karen!” She heard right before she ended the call. She dialed Luke and Jess next, when they didn't answer she started fearing the worst.

The sound of something hitting the floor interrupted her thoughts. She looked down to find Lucas’ empty bottle lying next to her feet, she picked it up before looking at her son. Lucas gave her a toothless smile, a lot more happy now that he'd been fed.

“Oh, Luc.” She brought him into a hug as she held back tears.

What would they do if Matt was…

Karen took a long breath.

No, she couldn't go there. Matt had to be alright. He'd survived a building falling on him. What was a fire after that? Knowing him, he'd probably fallen asleep in the church or something.

“Let's go find daddy, Luc.”

Karen rushed to get dressed, putting on the first shirt and pair of jeans she could find. She took her purse and Lucas’ earmuffs, then put the baby on the carrier, not even bothering to change him. She knew she should take a moment to prepare things properly, but all she could think about was Matt lying half-dead somewhere in the city.

Lucas started sneezing and twisting in the carrier when they were about a block away from the church. Karen felt awful bringing him there but she had very little options, Foggy's was too far away and Maggie didn't have a phone. “Shh… it'll be just a second, Luc.”

The church was full of people attending the morning Sunday mass. Many of them glanced her way, to the now crying Lucas, while she stood outside trying to find Maggie. Karen looked for her mother-in-law among the crowd but only spotted a younger nun.

“Hey, uh I'm sorry to bother, but could you get Sister Maggie for me, please? It's really urgent.” the nun frowned at her, looking at the crying Lucas with concern, before nodding and walking away.

Karen grabbed one of Lucas’ hands and rubbed it softly, trying to distract him from the smells with her touch. His cries turned into small sobs and he looked up at his mother with teary big blue eyes. She smiled at him and kissed his nose. “Hello handsome.”

“Karen?” She looked up at the approaching Maggie. Whatever momentarily peace she'd gotten from Lucas, disappeared as the reality came back crashing on her.

“Sister. I'm sorry if it's a bad time, but have you seen Matt recently?”

Maggie frowned and wiped the tears on her grandson's cheeks with a careful thumb. “Not since Thursday.”

Her stomach twisted, and she had to swallow to keep a wave of nausea at bay. She had really hoped this was the place. Now she had no idea where he could be.

“Is Matt missing? Is that why you're here?” Maggie asked, worried by Karen's question and reaction.

Karen tried to explain but the knot in her throat wouldn't let her.

“I, I need to go.” Was all she managed to say before she was jogging away in direction to the burnt building.

“Karen!”

She didn't turn back.

She had to find Matt.

The area around the building was full of paramedics, police officers, reporters, and firefighters helping the tenants and injured. The fire had been put out already but there was smoke coming out of the third floor. The smell of ash and burnt wood was strong and Lucas sneezed before he started crying again.

Shit.

She hadn't considered what the smoke would do to him. Karen thought of going home, but the weight in her stomach wouldn't let her turn back. She needed to know Matt was alright.

“I'm so sorry, Luc.” She kissed the boy's head, wishing she had left him with Maggie. “Just bear with it for a little longer. We'll go home soon.”

Karen looked around for a familiar face, wanting to get away as soon as possible for Lucas’ sake. She spotted Brett talking to some reporters, and quickly made her way to him. “Brett!”

The police officer turned to her with surprise, which quickly turned into confusion when he saw the crying Lucas. “Page? What are you doing here?”

“Just passing by.” she lied, trying, and probably failing, not to look nervous.

Brett pressed his lips in a thin line when he looked at the crying Lucas. “Is he alright?”

“Uh, yeah, he’s fine. He'll calm down soon.” She combed Lucas’ hair softly with her fingers, in a poor attempt to calm both of them. “What happened here?”

“Some asshole stabbed one of tenants to death and tried to burn the evidence.” He huffed and turned his head to the building. “They even blocked all the third floor exits. The damage is pretty bad and ten people died, but it would’ve been much worse if not for Daredevil.”

Karen swallowed. “Did you get the culprit?”

“Not yet. The bastard escaped. Some people saw him running from D. We’re looking for them around the area, which is why you shouldn’t be here. It’s not safe. Go home Page, cool off the little guy and say hi to the two idiots.”

She gave him a forced smile. “T-thanks, Brett. I’ll go do that.”

Karen turned around ready to search for Matt in every alley and rooftop around the block. She had only walked a few feet when a pair of arms surrounded her from behind. For a brief second she was filled with hope that it was Matt bringing her back against his chest. Her heart dropped in disappointment when she turned and found Foggy.

“I hate it when you hang up on me.” he told her clearly annoyed at her. His eyes then settled on the red faced Lucas. “Damn it, Karen! The hell were you thinking?”

A spark of panic went through her the moment he took Lucas from the carrier. The baby struggled in his godfather's arms, kicking and stretching a hand to his mother with a loud scream. Foggy was surprised by the sudden outburst and almost dropped him. Karen took the opportunity to take him back from Foggy. She cradled her son's head against her neck, feeling his distressed sobs against her skin. It was silly, Foggy wasn't a danger to Lucas, but she couldn't help feeling relieved to have him back.

Lucas might be all she had left from Matt.

The thought was unwelcome, something she had been trying not to think about, and it finally broke down the last of her resolve. Her eyes watered and she said in a broken tone, “I-I can't do this alone, Foggy.”

Years ago, when Matt had disappeared in the ruins of Midland Circle, she felt her heart being shredded to pieces at the realization she had lost him. But that had been nothing compared to this. Her heart wasn't being shredded, it was being taken away. Matt was no longer someone she wanted to share her life with. He was an essential part of it.

How could she move forward without him? She could no longer live without his morning laugh and tender kisses. Or without the soft caresses and adoring words after a long day. And what about Lucas? How was she supposed to raise him without Matt's help and insight? She had just dragged him to a smoking building because she hadn't stopped to consider his abilities. How many times would she made those mistakes? How long before she broke him just like she had the rest of her family?

Foggy brought her into a hug and rubbed her back gently. “You won't have to. I promise, we'll find him, Karen.” He let her go and pushed her towards the street, where Marci’s car was parked. “But not like this. Go home. Rest. Calm Lucas down. I’ll keep looking for him, and call you if I find anything.”

“I-” She started to protest but Foggy cut her.

“Come on. Marci even offered to babysit.” he laughed. “You better take that offer, it might be your one and only chance.”

Karen sniffled and cleaned her tears with the back of her hand. How she had she gotten so lucky with her friends? “Thanks, Fog.”

\--

Nothing had changed in the forty minutes they were gone and yet the apartment felt emptier when they returned. Matt's absence was more prominent now, more real. After Midland Circle, his old apartment had been a refuge, a place to remember him and hope. Their apartment, on the contrary, was a reminder of his absence. It felt oppressive instead of welcoming.

Karen almost asked Marci to take her to their apartment instead, but Lucas wouldn't be comfortable there.

“I can change him.” Marci offered, holding her hands up to take the whimpering Lucas. Karen hesitated, still wary about letting him go.

Marci's guarded disappointment made her relent.

“He needs a bath.” It was hot that late summer morning, and he was sweating from being in the carrier. She could only imagine how uncomfortable he was feeling. “I’ll get it ready.”

Marci took Lucas with a smile and lifted him above her head. “Hello, baby monkey.” Lucas blinked at her, but soon his eyes filled with tears and his lower lip started to quiver. “No, no. Don't cry sweetie.” she begged, her voice soft as she rocked the fussy baby in her arms.

Karen's lips turned up at the display.

Marci was almost a different person with Lucas.

At first Karen had been worried she wouldn't like him. Marci didn't seem like the kind of person who had patience for children. To everyone's surprise, even Foggy's, she’d taken to Lucas immediately. It had been love at first sight. Now Foggy was always complaining about how she hogged their godson's time.

After living alone for so long, It was a relief to know Lucas had people that would look after him no matter what. Even if something happened to Matt and her, he would never have to go through the loneliness his parents experienced.

\--

Karen let the hot water wash over her body with a hand resting against the shower wall. Her head was tilted forward, her wet hair hiding her face. She was tired, not only in body but in mind and soul too.

It was easy to forget, most of the time, how dangerous Matt's nightlife was. She knew first hand the extent of his abilities, and that made it easy to believe he was infallible. Even when he came home bruised and bloodied, she felt more pride than concern as she listened to the stories of the people he’d helped that night.

But that was a lie. He wasn't infallible. Every time he went out he was risking his life. Their life together. Perhaps it’d been selfish of him to continue with it, now that Lucas was there. If Matt died, Lucas wasn't only losing his father. He was losing his best shot at a normal life. Without him their son would have no one to guide him through his abilities.

Karen sighed and turned the water off. She dressed herself in one of Matt's t-shirts and a pair of sweatpants.

The sound of Lucas happy giggles reached her ears when she stepped out of the bathroom. Marci had him on a blanket on the floor. She was booping his nose with one of his soft plushies, making him giggle every time. He looked so happy with his chubby hands grabbing his feet while he gave Marci a toothless smile. Those were the moments when Karen thought his name fitted him perfectly. Lucas was without a shadow of doubt their small ray of light.

“I hope he isn't giving you much trouble.”

Marci chuckled. “Like he could. You're such a good boy, aren't you baby monkey?” She booped his nose making him giggle again.

Karen kneeled down to kiss Lucas’ brow, and brush his messy hair away. Lucas cooed, excited to see his mother, and tried to grab her hair with his clumsy hands. She kissed one of his hands before asking Marci. “Are you hungry? I can order some food for us.”

“Don't bother, Foggy is bringing take out.”

Karen's fingers stopped moving on Lucas’ hair. “Did he call?”

“Yeah, he talked to Luke and Danny. They’ll take over the search.”

“I see.” It was better than hearing they found him dead in an alley, still not what she’d hoped to hear.

“Hey.” Marci started giving her a serious look, before smiling. “We all know he'll be here with some crazy excuse before the day ends. It's what he does.”

Karen couldn't help but laugh, because yes that would be just like Matt. And honestly, she wouldn't mind at all. She would give almost anything to hear one of his crazy excuses right there. “Thanks, Marci.”

“Don't thank me. I'm not the one laughing at my husband's silliness. You're a saint for putting up with him.”

“I'm no saint, Marci.” She'd done more than her fair share of bad deeds. Not only that, she didn't have a right to complain about her current situation. Not when she'd always encouraged him to be Daredevil.

Lucas cooed and kicked, trying to get their attention back, clearly not happy that Marci and Karen had stopped playing with him. Both women shared a look and laughed.

Marci booped his nose again. “We haven't forgotten about you baby monkey.”

Karen watched Marci play with him for a moment. The shy smile on her lips died as she looked down to her hands, deep in thought.

If Matt was truly gone...

Karen hoped Lucas wouldn't blame her for not stopping him, even though he had the right to. She could never handle Lucas leaving her like her father. She wasn't strong enough for that. So only this time, she allowed herself to have that undeserving and selfish wish.

\--

“Are you sure you don't want us to stay the night?” Foggy asked again, concern clear in his voice.

“I'm sure, Foggy.” Karen adjusted the sleeping Lucas on her shoulder before leaning forward to kiss Foggy's cheek. “Don't worry, we'll be fine.”

“Call if you need anything.” She nodded at him and waved at Marci, who answered with a quick “Bye” before dragging her husband away.

Karen let out a sob the moment she closed the door.

In the end they hadn't found Matt anywhere.

The tears she had bravely held back all afternoon flowed freely as she started to shake in her anguish. She was trying so hard to stay positive, but it got harder each passing minute. She missed her husband already. She needed him to hold her and tell her everything would be fine.

Lucas made a small unhappy sound in his sleep, and Karen brought a hand to her mouth to stop her cries from waking him.

She wasn't sure how long she stood there, leaning against the door, crying while she tried her best not to wake her son. By the time her tears had dried, she felt drained and sick, and she had to drag her tired body to their bedroom. Not her bedroom yet. She refused to believe that until they found a body.

Karen put Lucas on Matt's side of the bed, gathering some pillows around him to stop him from falling off. She took her pants off and laid beside him, her hand coming to rest halfway on his small back. She was slowly lulled to sleep by his soft and steady breath.

The next thing she knew there was someone sitting on the spot behind her. Even groggy and confused by sleep, she had the mind to reach for the small gun at the back of the bed.

“Wait Karen, is me.” her whole body froze at the sound of Matt's voice. She turned around as fast as she could and gasped at the sight of him. Whole. Alive. Safe.

“Oh God Matt.” She buried her face on his neck, and he held her in a tight embrace.

“Shh.” He rubbed her back and neck softly. “It's okay, love. I'm here now.”

“I thought you were gone.” She choked between sobs.

“I'm so sorry.” He kissed her forehead and whispered apologies against her skin until she'd ceased crying.

“Where the hell were you!” She snapped when she gathered enough strength. He chuckled softly then groaned. Her mild annoyance was quickly replaced by worry. “Are you hurt?”

There was a nasty cut on his forehead and a bruise under his left eye, but he looked fine otherwise.

“It’s just a cracked rib.”

“No. That's definitely not okay, Matt.” She countered, once again annoyed at him. They’d talked a million times about how down playing his injuries wasn't alright, but God, her husband was stubborn. “Sit down, I'll get the tape.”

Lucas chose that moment to let out a high-pitched whine.

“I'll get him.” Matt moved before she could protest, and gathered Lucas in his arms. He kissed his forehead tenderly and whispered, “Daddy missed you, Luc.”

Lucas breath evened at the sound of his father’s voice and a small thumb found its way to his mouth. It occurred to her then that, even if he'd been cheerful all day, with his heightened senses Matt's absence must have weighed heavily on his mind. It warmed her heart to know their son was already shaping to be as strong as his dad.

“I was in Queens.” He answered, as he rocked Lucas back to sleep.

Karen frowned, surprised by the revelation. It wasn’t one of his areas of operation. “Why? What happened?”

Matt huffed, and winced in pain when his ribs protested. “It was so stupid Karen. He used a smoke bomb to stop me and it triggered an alarm.” He grimaced. “The sound and smell overwhelmed me long enough for him to knock me out.”

Karen swallowed. “Di-did he see your face?”

“No,” She let out a relieved sigh, thinking they had avoided that bullet, but then Matt continued. “but Spider-Man did.”

Wait, what?

“Spider-Man?!” She covered her mouth when Lucas whined. “Sorry, Lucas.” She whispered.

“Yeah, he heard the alarm going off and rushed to the building. I was lucky enough he got there before I was unmasked.” He sighed. “But I was out cold with a concussion for the whole day, and he took me to his house.”

“Wait, you saw his face too?” To Karen’s surprise Matt nodded. She didn’t expect other heroes to be giving out their identity so carelessly. At least that put them on mutual ground. “You think we can trust him?”

“I'm sure we can.” Matt's eyes darkened, and his grip on Lucas tightened slightly. “He's just a kid, Karen. Not even done with college. Honestly, he was too busy fanboying about Daredevil to learn anything about Matt Murdock.”

“Wow.” That was unexpected. Spider-Man had been operating for years. He must have been really young when he started.

“I know.” He paused. “I'll take him to his room.” It wasn't a question but there was hint of hesitation in his voice.

Matt knew she might want Lucas close, which she did, and she loved him for always keeping her needs in mind. But as anxious as she was about Lucas leaving her side, she needed to talk to him and that was better done without the fussy baby around. She nodded, and he kissed her cheek before leaving the room. Karen retrieved the first aid kit from the bathroom, while he put Lucas to bed.

“Let’s get you out of this.” She tugged at his blood stained t-shirt the moment he came back.

“Hmm, feeling kinky, Mrs. Murdock?” he joked, raising his arms carefully so she could help him out of it.

Karen chuckled, and started undressing him, careful not to hurt him. To think that an hour before she hadn’t know if she would ever hear him joke again. The thought alone brought back the weight in her stomach, but she pushed it aside for the moment.

Karen worked on his injuries in silence, as Matt's fingers combed her hair gently. She would stop from time to time to kiss one of his many scars, grateful that he’d come back to her after them, and he would sigh happily after each kiss. When she was done She let her hand rest over his heart, and finally, she broke the silence.

“I can't do this anymore, Matt.”

He frowned, and his heart sped up under her fingertips. “What, what do you mean?” There was apprehension in his voice, and Karen knew he was fearing the worst.

“I can't stand the thought of losing you. It was bad enough when it was just me, but there's Lucas now. God, Matt. I can't, I can't raise him alone. I don't know how. I don't know what I would do if you-” she stopped and brought her hands to her mouth to stop herself from falling apart. “I can't.”

Matt took her hands in his and kissed them again and again. “You won't have to, Karen. I’m not leaving you.”

“You almost did today!” she yelled. “What if Spider-Man hadn't arrived? What then Matt? You can't count on luck every time you're out there.”

“I-” He closed his eyes. “Do you want me to retire?”

Karen wanted to say yes so badly, but no matter how much she wanted him to keep him safe, she couldn’t ask him to kill Daredevil. Not after all the lives he’d saved, hers included and Lucas’s by extension. Not when he could save so many more. The city needed the devil of hell’s kitchen, and even if it didn’t, Matt would be miserable without him. She would never condemn him to a life of ignoring all the cries for help around him. She loved him too much for that.

“No. I would never ask you to do something you don't want to. I just… I just want you home, safe, every morning.”

Matt surrounded her with his arms and kissed the top of her head. Karen could feel his smile on her skin. “I love you, and I would choose you two over the suit any day.”

She rested her head against his chest, letting his heartbeat sooth her. “I know.”

“I’d thought about it already. About the risk of going out alone.” He admitted. “That’s why I talked to Danny and Luke about teaming up.”

Karen hid her face on his chest, feeling giddy with relief. “That’s great, Matt.”

“I do want to retire eventually.” he said after a short silence. “At some point, before I’m all grey like Stick.”

Karen chuckled. She did her best to remember how Stick looked like and tried to imagine Matt at that age. “Hmm, I don’t know… I can't imagine you retired. What would you even do with all the free time?”

“That’s an excellent question.” He rubbed his chin, as if thinking about it. “I can’t go out partying with Foggy anymore.”

Karen bit a smile. She loved their small banters. “No, Marci wouldn’t appreciate that.”

“She wouldn’t,” he agree, “and she’s very scary.”

“She is.” Karen tugged him towards the bed and he followed her happily.

“Thankfully, I can think of another thing or two to do.”

“Yeah, like?”

“Like kissing my beautiful wife all night.” He peeked her on the lips. “Reading to my son. Catching up with work.” He leaned forward on the bed to whisper against her ear. “And sex, a lot of sex.”

Karen giggled at her husband silliness and, finally, kissed him properly. After a day of absence, his lips were like water in a desert. The kiss lacked their usual gentleness, both of them too hungry for each other's taste to go slow. She let out a content sigh against his lips when they parted.

“Good night, Karen.” He whispered, throwing an arm around her waist to pull her closer.

“Good night, Matt.” She rested her hand on top of his heart, so she could fall asleep to the rhythm of his heartbeat.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a week late! Pretty good considering how bad I usually am at keeping deadlines.
> 
> The next one coming is definitely the big Elektra arc. Sadly, I wouldn't expect that until the end of this month. I'm nursing a cold and I would like to tackle the big arc when I'm back to normal (I totally blame the cold if this one feels off).
> 
> Well, see you in the next Lucasverse!


End file.
